Merlin's Crush
by RicardianScholar Clark-Weasley
Summary: sequel to Merlin's Christmas. this is getting ridiculous, now Arthur, Lancelot, and Gwaine are fighting over which one Merlin prefers to shag. ignorng the fact Merlin is straight


**Author's Note: sequel to Merlin's Christmas. Please watch the crossover with Harry Potter carefully as the sequel will be called Merlin's Harry Potter Experience. **

"Let's face it, if Merlin was ever to snog one of us it would be me, after all I do have the experience and talent for it."

Ever since the very awkward mistletoe incident two weeks ago Gwaine had been insisting that he was the one guy Merlin would want to snog. Of course other people had very different ideas about that...

"Gwaine, we all know you are the biggest man whore in all of Camelot," Lancelot sighed, "it is not something you would want to brag about."

"Well it's not like Merlin would ever fancy you," Gwaine grumbled, "you may be a pretty-boy but you have no moves or talent in seducing women let alone men."

Arthur took a double take as he entered the room. "I think I just entered the conversation at the wrong time...a very wrong time..."

"I have you know that I am the perfect specimen of a man and everyone would fancy me!" Lancelot shouted. "I am very good-looking, I am soft-spoken, sensitive, romantic, have a sense of adventure and fun, and a damn good fighter to. I am literally the perfect knight in shining armour."

"You sound like one of those notices I see carved on the tables in all of the inns I visited," Gwaine said dryly. "At the end of the day, I am just very sexy and can prove it with my many talents. Merlin would literally melt in my hands and would never be able to get out of bed again," he said. His voice dripping with innuendo.

"Great, just what I need, a servant who is even more late because he's shagging you," Arthur muttered. "Ignoring the fact that your argument is the most disturbing one the pair of you ever had, I must point out that if Merlin was ever to have a crush on a man, it would not be either of you it would be me."

"How the fuck did you work that one out?" Gwaine asked.

"Well for starters I'm a prince. People either want to be me or do me," Arthur said smugly, "I am also very handsome, a better fighter than you two idiots put together, and according to some very strange maids we have an exploding sexual chemistry."

Lancelot and Gwaine looked at Arthur with a similar gobsmacked look Merlin wore on a daily basis. While Arthur inwardly laughed at what a pair of idiots they were the other two were privately wondering if Arthur had been dropped on the head as a baby.

"There is no way Merlin would ever fancy you," Gwaine declared, "not unless he was into being bottom and being dominated by you."

"Urgh!" Lancelot groaned. He now needed to wash his brain out with the horrible mental images Gwaine had just conjured.

"And somehow I don't see Merlin into that," Gwaine continued unaware of Lancelot's pain. "What Merlin needs is an equally satisfying sexual relationship. Unfortunately his first time must be slow and romantic but after the newness of it all has worn off he would be into fighting for dominance and enjoying the good times."

"I wonder sometimes if the alcohol has killed your brain," Arthur deadpanned.

"At the end of the day Merlin would never shag either of you!" Lancelot cried out. "He would never ruin the already awkward friendship with Arthur. A friendship that is never stable anyway because Arthur is constantly firing and rehiring him. And quite frankly I think Merlin feels like your father than your friend, Gwaine! Therefore if he was to fancy anyone it would be me and even then he wouldn't do anything because he knows I would never stop loving my Lady."

"Don't you mean ladies?" Gwaine said wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "And what on earth is wrong with a little danger in life to spice up the sex life?"

"I'm pretty sure Merlin is fed up with danger. He has to put up with it every week just working for us," Lancelot pointed out.

"And what do you mean that our friendship is awkward?" Arthur demanded. "I am Merlin's best friend! Friendship always comes first before romance! We have a foundation unlike you two."

"How long were you and Gwen friends before you started kissing her?" Gwaine teased. The red-faced silence prince gave him the answer he already knew. "Besides if you're Merlin's best friend (which you're not) then you wouldn't want your friendship ruined over a crush from Merlin, would you?"

"...shut up, Gwaine."

"Gwaine, Merlin would never shag you out of fear of catching some sort of disease, Arthur, Merlin would never shag you either because you're a royal prat and he washes your socks. Therefore it is only fair to come with the conclusion that Merlin would shag me."

"I have really got to stop entering in the room while you're having these conversations," Merlin said loudly from the door.

"Merlin!" Arthur cried out. "Out of the three of us who would you have a man crush on?"

Having put up with these conversations for over six months now – best friend, cross-dressing, Freya, best fighter, birthday presents, his mother, etc, etc, etc – Merlin was finally reaching the last straw.

"FOR THE LAST TIME I AM NOT A CROSSDRESSER OR GAY!"

The prince and his two knights stood there in shock as Merlin threw down their freshly cleaned uniforms on the floor and marched right out of the room.

"Jeeze, whose stick has he got up in a-"

"Shut up Gwaine!"


End file.
